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The worst, most humiliating baby namesAncestry.com shares the silliest, craziest and downright cruelest names of all time

What would compel a parent to bestow a newborn with a name like “Tiny Hooker” or “Fanny Large”? Or an amusing choice like “Wanna Towell"? It’s not just Hollywood’s elite opting for unique, embarrassing names—throughout history, normal people separated their offspring from the masses with truly terrible names.

In “Bad Baby Names,” Michael Sherrod and Matthew Rayback, of the genealogy Web site Ancestry.com, share thousands of shocking names given to real people, as recorded by the U.S. Census Bureau. Discover the funny names based around common themes, like diseases (Fever Bender, Cholera Peace), food (Bread White, Pomegranate Purple), pets (Good Dog), and if you thought Wednesday Addams was unfortunate—wait till you meet Monday Monday.

Diseases
You'd have to be really sick to infect your offspring with virulent names like these:

Fever Bender (born 1856)
Leper Priest (born 1929)
Cholera Priest (born 1830 during the second cholera pandemic)
Rubella Graves (born 1814)
Typhus Black (born 1897)
Hysteria Johnson (born 1881)
Emma Royd (born 1850)
Kathryn E. Coli (born 1894)
Mumps Sykes (born 1891)

Professions
With names like "Mayor Bland," it seems like some parents had high, ambitious hopes for their children's future. Cook Cook
Governor Bush
Lawyer Low
Doctor Love
Teacher Blackbear
Judge Savage
Editor Honeycutt
Mayor Bland
Sales O. Justice
Gamble Moore

Sins
The authors found 149 records for people named Lust, 70 for Greed, 12 for Sloth, and 830 for Pride. Which of the 7 deadlly sins was missing? Only gluttony.

Lust Garten
Greed Sister Mancini
Avarice Sullivan
Sloth Washton
Wrath Gordon
Envy Burger
Pride Saint
Greed McGrew
Pride Saint
Lust T. Castle

Irish luck
Plenty of parents must have thought that naming their child Lucky would translate into a bright future. In 1930 alone, there are 463 Luckys.

Some lucky favorites:
Lucky Green
Lucky Jewell
Lucky O’Brien
Lucky Pleasant
Luck Fortune
Shamrock Hardeman of Illinois
Shamrock Dates of Mississippi
Shamrock Holland of Texas

The religious types:
Saint Patrick Blan
Saint Patrick Forrest
Saint Patrick

The patriotic:
Ireland England
Ireland Green
Irish Sea
Ireland Brew

Whimsical:
Rainbow Green
Emerald Jewel
Clover Field
Clover B. Green

A St. Patrick’s Day feast:
Beef Cooper
Guinness Dack
Cabbage Haywood

Foods
Some parents loved eating so much, they named their kids after favorite meals, snacks—and even condiments:Lunch Magee
Dinner Ware
Bread White
Hero Brat
Mayo Head
Mustard M. Mustard
Pickle Parker
Plum Sellers
Banana Bowdy
Cherry Grant

Celebrities
Forget Suri or Shiloh – celebrities have given their children far stranger names! Discover the stars' oddest, most bizarre baby names:

Apple (Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow)
Moxie CrimeFighter (Magician Penn Jillette)
Hopper (Sean Penn and Robin Wright)
Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf)
Sosie (Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick)
Destry (Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw)
Aurelius Cy (Elle Macpherson)
Kal-El Coppola (Nicolas Cage)
Bluebell Madonna (Spice Girl Geri Halliwell)
Audio Science (Actress Shannyn Sossamon)
Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone)
Tallulah (Bruce Willis and Demi Moore)
Kyd (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)

Bart Simpson pranks
Bart Simpson's prank calls to Moe's Tavern are nearly legendary, but the sad fact is that some people actually go through life with those goofy names. The following Bart creations all exist within the Ancestry.com databases:Al Caholic
Oliver Clothesoff
I.P. Freely
Seymour Butz
Mike Rotch
Hugh Jass
Amanda Hugginkiss
Ivana Tinkle
Anita Bath
Maya Buttreeks

TODAY hosts
Just how popular are the TODAY hosts' last names? Discover the funny names found on historical documents at Ancestry.com:

Matt Lauer
Lauer Froelick
Lauer Mann
Lauer Witt
Lauer Bucktels
Lauer Guiliani
Lauer Klump
Lauer Funk

Meredith Veira
Vieira Jack
Vieira Wesley
Vieira Boyd

Ann Curry
Curry Bee Massey
Curry Curry
Curry Duck
Curry Mayo
Curry McCain
Curry Murray
Curry Rice
Curry Worthy

Al Roker
Roker Duane
Roker Ono
Roker Richards
Prince Roker

Athol, MA tired of being the butt of jokes

March 6, 2008 - 11:40pm

By STEPHANIE REITZ
Associated Press Writer

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (AP) - A cable sports network says it no longer will make Athol the butt of its jokes.

Comcast SportsNet said Thursday it would pull a newspaper ad that leaders of the small central Massachusetts town called insulting and offensive.

The ad featured two side-by-side signs that together read: "We can pronounce Worcester ... without sounding like an Athol."

A network spokesman said it apologized Thursday to the town and Selectman Wayne Miller, who raised the issue this week after residents complained that the ad ridiculed Athol by linking its name to a similarly sounding vulgarity.

Town selectmen voted Tuesday to have the town attorney write a letter of protest to the company, and Miller also urged residents to boycott papers if they ran the ads.

It was even more offensive, they said, because the advertisement required mispronouncing Athol to make its point. The correct pronunciation is "ATH'-awl."

"There's always been this, shall we say, 'humorous' pronunciation," Miller said Thursday. "If one person is doing it, that's nothing to worry about. But you have to draw the line when a major company uses it to make money."

Comcast SportsNet spokesman Skip Perham said Thursday the ad was intended as a humorous play on words, but that they respect Miller's concerns. Its reference to the odd pronunciations of some Massachusetts town names was meant to underscore the ad campaign's tag line: "If you live here, you get it."

The network will immediately stop publishing the ad, which last appeared in Thursday's editions of the Boston Herald. Perham said it ran periodically to promote one of Comcast SportsNet's regular sports analysis and interview programs.

Athol, a town of about 11,500 in north-central Massachusetts, is believed to have been named for the Scottish second Duke of Atholl, who died two years after the town was incorporated in 1762.

That's the legacy modern-day Athol residents and leaders promote, though Miller said they recognize they have to accept a certain amount of lowbrow humor.

"Obviously we've heard it before," he said.

Selectman Susannah Whipps was the lone selectmen of the five to vote against sending the letter to the network. She told the Telegram and Gazette newspaper of Worcester that she was not offended by the ad, and predicted the publicity would help Comcast.

She was more concerned, she said, about vandals who add an "r" and an "e" to town signs to change the name to "rathole."